The title suggests it very well, an independent life gains its insignia over a Joint family. This is an issue with every family now and then. My reason of choosing this topic over is because of the dilemma in which I am lying. Is it something that the family members needs to understand? Is this something that a newly wed bride needs to get through? Is it something that a husband needs to make his wife understand? Is it something which a mother-in-law should get through to help her daughter-in-law? A million thoughts are rebounding me and I am helpless. I do not have any idea further why this is going? Why so many families are breaking through with the time? Why people are willing more towards an independent life? Why men are sending their old parents to old age homes? Probably you may comment better. The thoughts below might be offending for many, it even might be defending for some. But whatever it is like, the motto remains the same and it persists everywhere with the tone Please people, make happy families…
I had a glance through the window of one of my neighbour, I couldn’t make it why they were shouting at each other. The in-laws were making their son understand their situation, the wife was making her situation understand to her husband. Initially I went off to resolve their issue. So in a hurry, I asked their small tiny kid, son what is the issue? Why your mom and dad are shouting at dada dadi and vice versa? The child replied in a noble and gentle voice This happens uncle every now and then. Either my mom shouts at them or they taunt my mom for every small tits and bits. Me- Did no one tried to make them understand? Kid- No uncle ! Initially dad used to make them understand but gradually he also left it. This happens. You don’t worry. Whatever the kid said to me, it sounds like it’s not a new issue. A newly wedded bride comes to another world, leaving everything behind. So it is the responsibility of the new family to make her comfortable in the new arena of happiness. The husband is required to do the needful here. But here comes the old mentality of a sasu maa. She tries to dominate her daughter-in-law, not intentionally but it’s only because the same happened to her earlier and hence, she wants a similar life from her bahu. Now the timeline flies and in transit, the daughter-in-law starts torturing her in-laws. This is a typical issue and about 90% of the families get burnt in this anguish of rage and agony.
Now comes the another part of the story. A day after, a colleague of mine reported some problems in his home. So he requested me to visit their house once. I visited and I could see the age old drama again. They were quarrelling with each other, but wait ! I saw something different here. The daughter-in-law was quarrelling and was threatening them to leave their house and take their son away from them. I couldn’t make it what it was? So I asked my colleague to explain further. He started saying that sorry but my wife behaves like that only. She was the single daughter of a rich family and they made me to marry her. I couldn’t make it initially her plans, but later she revealed that she requires an independent life with only me and her family not mine. She is expecting me to leave my old parents and stay with her, or else she is prompting for a divorce. While murmuring the voice of divorce, he started weeping badly. Yes you understood it right, it’s the remaining 10% of families which gets broken with the rage of a rich sophisticated high class single child cum daughter-in-law.
So you might be wondering what happened to both the families. Isn’t it? So this was the suggestion to the families, and it worked as well. My first question to both the families were Is your quarrel making you happy? Alas ! There was a big silence in the entire room. I further took the opportunity to bag some more words to both of the above menage.
Husband 1: What was your role in the entire situation? Did you try to console your wife and ask your parents why they have such rage against her?
Husband 2: What is your responsibility as a son? Did you tried speaking to her parents once?
Wife 1: Did you gave your 6 months to love your in-laws as your parent?
Wife 2: What if you have a small brother? He marries sometime in the future. He behaves the same as you are behaving, but this time it will be your parents. How would you defend that?
Parent 1: Whatever happened to you that was in the past. Due to that you have to move separated from your in-laws/parents. Do you expect the same from your son/daughter-in-law ?
Parent 2: Why you people are numb? Why you are silent? Ask your son to sort it out and if he cannot you people can surely survive on your own. Take a strong path. Hold your legs straight and let them move. If they come back then surely they love you. If not, leave it yaar. What goes? If your son couldn’t become yours after so much of love and care, then how come their wife will shower her love to you people? So let them go. Keep your self-respect intact.
The answers will not be posted by me. They need to be explained by you only. Go and do some homework, people. Try keeping yourself in the above situation and think what you had done to save your family. And for sure, mind my words future rebounds itself. The destiny you are planning should move ahead with a present note. Your future generation would treat you the same, don’t blame me then. Try looking ahead 10 years and then reply the questions. A present rage might break your future happiness forever.
The most important thing in the world is family and love.
– John Wooden